Pinky Swear

Hello, World

I was watching the YouTuber, JackSepticEye, play a game called Emily Is Away and one theme kept popping up again and again.

Promises.

Now as a child, pinky swears were basically the equivalent of a blood oath. My friends and classmates were sure that “bond” was unbreakable.

Cross my heart and hope to die…

I used to make a lot of promises that I thought I could keep. I thought it was such any easy thing to do. I promise, I promise, I promise. I would use the phrase so casually, so carelessly, that I think I started to forget how much weight those words carry.

I promise we’ll always be friends… I’ll always be there for you… You can trust me…

As time passes, I look back at every promise that I made and how many I failed to keep.

That’s not to say I failed to keep all of them. A few have definitely survived, I’ve kept them close and held on. These are the promises that mean the world to me because the person I’ve made those promises to are worth it.

No, but I had forgotten what those words mean and what it means to hear them come from another person. Especially if that person is someone you trust. A trail of broken promises follows me and I try so hard not to get invested in something that I can’t keep.

I locked those words away and used them as sparingly as possible.

I believe that as a writer, I know how powerful words can be. I promise is one of the most powerful things to say to someone or even yourself. I believe that when you make a promise, you’re handing over a small (or maybe not so small) part of yourself. At the same time you’re receiving somethng in return. You carry this something with you as a reminder, to keep you on track. Whether it’s about paying back a debt (small or large) or tethering your life to another’s (in one way or another). And if you dare forget, then some form of retribution awaits you.

Now every time I hear I promise, a part of me can’t help but hope that person truly knows the meaning. I hope that they—for theirs and the person “recieving” the promise—keep it.

I’ve made the mistake of breaking a promise that I thought I could keep. It was to someone that I cared about and loved so much, I would have done anything for them. But there it is “would have”, not now and not anymore. I can’t deny that I still care about them but I can’t keep this promise. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally unable to do what I said I would. What I had promised. And that hurt. I can’t imagine how they felt.

But Dee, if you do read this, if you’ve somehow made it here to this little corner of the internet where I like to hide, I just wanted you to know that I am really sorry. I can’t give you what you need. I still care though, I truly do.

Promises are tough. Be sure that you can see them through.

This post was inspired by JackSepticEye’s video I’LL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU | Emily Is Away. Please check it out if you’re intrigued or curious, it’s honestly a really good video.

My questions for you, do you make promises? Are you good at keeping them? Do you only make promises that you can keep? Or do you try to steer clear of them as much as you can (like me)? What do you think about promises in general?

Are you sick of how many times I used the word “promise” in this post, because I am.

Until next time, World.

Quill, signing off x

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