Then and Now

The thought of you once set my heart aflutter

But now all I feel is cold, hard pain

The kind that makes me clutch my chest

Cradle the hollow part of me

Where once held my most sacred treasure

Before I gave it away

So carelessly.

I am left to collect what I can

In hopes of returning it to its former state

A futile hope.

How could someone that once brought me nothing but joy

Now send only shards of glass and ice into my soul

Now I shut you out after being foolish enough to let you in

To preserve what is left of me.

I became used to feeling vulnerable in your arms

Now I’m left weak in the ashes.

You did not understand the difference between the two

To be honest

Neither did I

But now I do

Cold truths and harsh lessons have taught me as much.

And again I wonder

How could I let this happen?

Let in something so sweet

Then realize it was rotten

Too late.

Poisonous

Infecting my everything.

So drunk I was unable to read the signs

See the warnings

High off something I did not understand

You spoonfed me malignance

Mislabeled as care.

I have so many questions for you

Things I can’t ask and nothing you can answer

But only one for myself

“How could I have been so foolish?”

It resounds in the deepest recesses of my mind

Again and again

Although I suspect I’ll never truly know.

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