So last night was… eventful.
No, that’s putting it lightly.
Last night was a clusterfuck of emotions and shitty memories.
If you read last night’s post then you have some kind of idea of what’s going on with me. This post is to clear things up and finally tell you what’s happened in the past few months, including some things that happened even before I started this blog.
Now, even though this will be a condensed version of events because I anticipate this story to be quite a long one, I’m going to split it up into a few posts so it’s not one giant pile of crap.
So here it is, the ugly truth.
About two years ago, I became really good friends with this guy, we’ll call him Dick. Now Dick seemed pretty cool. We had a lot of shared interests and were in a group of friends that spent a lot of time together. Now Dick and one of my best friends, who I will refer to as Eve, ended up liking each other. I thought, “Cool, I’ll be wing-woman for both of them.” So I acted as sort of a “buffer”. And for a while the three of us were really close.
But then Dick and Eve’s families got involved in their relationship. Long story short, their romantic relationship fell apart. They tried to just be friends but things got too complicated. I helped as much as I could but it wasn’t enough. And in the mean time, Dick turned to me for help and we grew closer. I saw him as my best friend and we could tell each other anything. And I fell.
I tried so hard to fight the feeling so I wouldn’t complicate things even more between Dick and Eve. But as time passed, I couldn’t deny it anymore. Yet, at the same time, I didn’t want to hurt Eve’s feelings even though she ended up in a relationship with someone else. I loved her like a sister and it would have broken me to see her hurt. And break I did.
Dick and I became a couple and Eve turned her back on me. Any time we were together with our friends, she pretended I didn’t exist. Any time I tried to talk to her, to fix what had broken between us, she pushed me away. I thought it was my fault. If only I had tried harder. But there was no getting through to her. This was the first time I’d lost a friend to their hate.
So I thought, “If she won’t be my friend then I have to make my relationship with Dick work. I have to make that sacrifice worth it.” I should have known then, that that mentality would hurt me even more.
But I thought I loved Dick, I thought we were happy together. And for a while maybe we were but a relationship driven by desperation on one side would never work. And in my desperation, I never saw the red flags warning me to stop and take a good look at the “man” I was with. Hardly a man at all to be exact.
But this is where I’ll leave this story for now.
So much happened and I don’t want to get too carried away, so for now I will take a short break to let myself breathe.
Thank you for reading, World.
Until next time, Quill x