The “A” Word

Hello World,

I was going through an old journal when I found this.

I feel as though the title and rest of this poem/promise is pretty straightforward. I wrote this a little less than a year ago and re-reading it makes me feel sick to my stomach. It pisses me off to no end. Because looking back I realize how much I wanted to please someone else at the cost of my own sanity. And let me tell you, the feeling of having someone hold this control over you is awful. And it’s downright disgusting for anyone to do that to someone. Especially if that person is someone you love and trust.

And I want to make it very clear. Anyone can be in an abusive relationship. Whether it’s with a co-worker/boss, a friend, a family member, a romantic partner, etc. It’s something that can happen.

Now I’m not saying this to make you paranoid or suspicious of the people around you. I just think that it’s really important to know that abuse can come from any type of relationship. This kind of thing is more common than people seem to realize. And that anyone can be a victim. Your sex, gender, age, race, ethnicity, or whatever doesn’t matter.

Sometimes it’s physical (i.e. sexual, beating, etc.), sometimes it’s mental (i.e. name-calling, guilt-tripping, insulting, etc.), and sometimes it’s a combination. But no matter the means, abuse is still abuse.

Now a lot of people tell the victim to “ignore it” or “get out of the relationship”. Some people might even say that the victim should apologize, that they should fix whatever they’re doing wrong. Or even say the abuser “didn’t mean it” and defend them by saying something along the lines of, “That’s not the person I know” or (insert name) would never do something like that”.

The people that say these thing make it so much harder for victims to speak out.

And besides, how would an outsider know the depths of the abuse. The truth is, they wouldn’t.

I told one of my best friends that I had been abused.

She didn’t believe me. 

It was earth-shattering and heartbreaking. Someone I knew and loved and trusted didn’t think I was telling the truth about something so serious. My ability to trust people took another huge blow.

So if someone tells you—confides in you—that they’re being abused, don’t just write them off. Don’t try to tell them that they’re imagining it or that it’s their fault. Support them, listen to them. If and/or when the need arises, get them away from the abuser. Protect them. Get the police involved, should things get that serious. There are ways to stop the abuse.

This next part is addressed directly to anyone who is dealing with or has dealt with abuse:

You are not alone and no matter what anyone says, it’s not your fault. You don’t deserve to be treated like shit. You are human and you deserve to be respected like one.

Whether the abuse is happening now or it happened in the past and it still haunts you, please reach out to someone. Friend, family, college, whoever you think you can trust. Hell, talk to me. I might not be in your shoes but I know what it’s like and no one deserves that. Find me on Twitter or Tumblr. Comment on this blog. I swear, I’ll respond as soon as I possibly can. Don’t try to bottle this up or hide it. Even just talking about it can help.

This cycle of abuse, suffering, and silence needs to stopped but it’s not something that any one person can do alone. And this is where you come in, Dear Reader.

Spread the word. Talk about this. Be open.

Be willing to stand up and stand out. You won’t always be able to make people listen but talk to the people who do.

It’s one thing to say you’re against abuse and/or you’d never abuse someone else. It’s another if you’re actually willing to do something about it.

Until next time,

Quill x


P.S. To those of you trying to put me down in the comments, you’re wasting your time. You’re not going to shut me up, so forget it. Go do something productive instead.

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