A conversation with no one

Have you ever felt like you’re not you?

Like you’ve been put in the wrong body and every movement is just alien and foreign like it’s all wrong…

The hands on the ends of these arms don’t belong to you,

The legs that carry you from place to place aren’t yours to control.

Do you ever hit a wall and everything shuts down?

Every sense so dull that it’s all just phantom pains…

I’ve read that amputees sometimes feel pain from a limb that’s no longer there

Except I’m not missing anything

Nothing physical at least

But there’s something wrong

A piece of me is gone

And I don’t know if I never had it and I’ve only just realized

Or if I lost it without ever knowing…

Have you ever felt like that?

It’s like I’ve been drained of everything that keeps a normal person alive

But here I am

Still “living”

A phantom of a human being

Not quite alive but not all gone

Stuck in this Limbo where nothing exists

And a knick and a sting here or there

Bringing temporary bliss

Then back into Limbo

As if it has its own gravitational pull

Why is that?

What’s dragging me back to this place?

There is no safety or comfort in it

Just something

Something that pulls me in

Let’s me get a few steps away

Then reels me back

Back into this numbness

But it’s okay

It’ll pass

It always does

But before long

It’s back again


~ Quill x

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