I’m so tired

Hello World,

I know I said I would have another poem last week but I forgot. Whoops. Right after I talked about how things are starting to look up, I am once again spiraling out of control.

Because people and circumstances keep telling me the same thing over and over again:

I can’t do anything right.

Every time I try, someone or something comes along and tells me I can’t. It’s disheartening to say the least. BecauseΒ I try.Β I try so hard to get through a single day at a time that it physically pains me and I hate it when I realize that my efforts are fruitless.

The other night. I was up pretty late writing and because I was so inspired that I just couldn’t stop. But when I told someone this, all they said was that I was basically wasting my time.

I was wasting my time doing something I love. One of the few things that I honestly, truly love. Do you know how heartbreaking that is? Because here’s the thing, writing (and just generally being creative) makes me feel alive. It makes me feel as though I am doing something worthwhile. Creativity is my lifeline.

Without it, I might as well not exist.

Some of you will probably think I’m over exaggerating.

I’m really not.

And it makes me so angry and depressed when others don’t see that. I literally need to be creative to live, otherwise I don’t see the point in trying. The more I think I can offer this spark inside of me, the longer I feel as though I can put off my inevitable death.

But now I’m at that point again where I’d rather live in a fictional universe filled with danger than live in this world where I have no purpose. That’s a story for another time though.

That’s all for now.

Sincerely,

~ Miss Misfit x

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