I never intended to hurt you, but the fact is I did. And I’m sorry. I’m not sorry for trying to fix things between us, I wish I had been able to. But I am sorry for giving up so easily. I’m sorry these feelings were never resolved, face to face. You were my sister and I loved you. I wanted nothing more than to turn back time and make things the way they used to be. Before the pain, before the anger, when we would smile at each other. Instead, I watched you silently while you couldn’t even look at me.
I’m sorry. Goodbye.
I’m sorry we aren’t able to see eye-to-eye. In many ways we are so incredibly different that the state of our “relationship” is understandable. And yet, we are so similar in how strong-willed and stubborn we can be. I suppose that is also why there is such a distance between us. I’m sorry that things are this way but I hope that one day you’ll see me as I am and not what you expected me to be.
Until then, goodbye.
I’m sorry for painting you as the only villain. You hurt me and in the anger I felt I only knew I wanted to hurt you back. And I did. That anger has since burned out but only after realizing I’d rather be angry than hurt. But I see now my hatred was injecting poison in my veins and hoping you’d hurt too. We both were wrong and we were both too immature for the feelings we had. You should know that there was a time I loved you and I’m sorry those feelings have turned to bitterness.
I hope you find someone that makes you happy, goodbye.
I’m sorry for not being the “Big Sis” you needed. I’m sorry for making promises that I couldn’t keep, for saying I’d always be there for you. And I’m sorry for disappearing. You deserved better than that and I wish I could have been braver and given you closure. But I hope you use the strength I know you have to fight forward for yourself. I hope you find peace within yourself and whatever you’re doing I hope you’re safe and happy. You truly deserve it.
I wish you nothing but the best, goodbye.
If I could look these people in the eye and tell them this, I’d like to think I would. But I don’t know if I have that strength or resolve.
I think I confuse moving forward with moving on because for the longest time I thought I’d “moved on” but in reality I hadn’t moved at all. Honestly, this topic deserves a full post to itself so I won’t go into detail here.
But I’ll be honest, I may be writing these “letters” to others but they’re more so for myself. I really want to move forward without feeling like I’m being weighed down by my past and I feel like this will help me do it.
But that’s all for now. Until next time,
~ Miss Misfit