So back in November, I (very briefly) mentioned the idea of confusing “moving on” and “moving forward”. And I’m sure some people might not see a difference, but here’s what I mean.
I feel like “moving on” means trying to let go of something; whether that’s an event, a person, or something else entirely. I feel like it means you’re trying to forget. And as someone whose memory is triggered by the smallest details, this is nearly impossible for me.
But “moving forward”? To me, that means carrying those experiences and memories with you. It means learning from them and not letting them limit you. And let’s be honest, that’s equally as hard. If not harder.
I’m the type of person that–for better or for worse–falls fast and hard into relationships. Specifically intimate relationships, whether platonic or romantic. And because of this, I’m also extremely sentimental which makes it even harder to move forward from relationships that aren’t good for me.
So what do I do?
I don’t take the time to address the problem logically. Nah, that’d be WAY too “easy”. No, I decide to shove all those feelings down and do my damndest to block out all the pain and frustration and call that “moving on”.
And for a while, I was able to trick myself into thinking it was working.
But of course came the inevitable realization that I can’t do this anymore. I can’t just run and hide from the pain. I just cant. If I realy want to keep moving then I HAVE to face these things head on.
So that’s what I’ve been doing.
I let the memories come–good or bad–and then I let them go. It takes and a moment but afterwards I actually do feel better.
I’m going to remember the pain but I’m not going to let it hold me back. Not anymore. I’m learning (finally) how to Move Forward and grow. And I think this year will be better because of it. I’ve spent too long letting the pain dwell inside me but I think I’m finally ready.
Until next time x