I tried to ignore the pit in my stomach as all hope of reassurance drained from my veins, leaving me hollow. My mouth opened and closed, like a goldfish. Comical. In any other situation.
“I think we should just stop talking. I can’t deal with you, with this. I just- I need to go.”
I don’t know how long I stayed there after you left. It felt like days, months even. Your words echoed in my mind, endlessly. A broken record to taunt my pain.
I didn’t understand. I couldn’t.
Why? I’d ask myself that question time and time again over the years. Searching relentlessly for an answer that would not come.
Why? Was it me? Did I do something? What did I do to send you reeling out of my life?
You said you’d always care about me. You’d stay with me. No matter what. You said you accepted me, quirks and faults included.
And this is what disgusts you?
I don’t understand. I guess I never will.
It’s been years since we’ve spoken but I saw your picture and–for the first time in a long time–the echoes of your rejection don’t sting. I still ask myself why you did what you did. But there’s no longer any pain. The life in my veins has been replenished. Not exclusively by the acceptance of others but my acceptance of self.
Your rejection–a flash of light, gone in a heartbeat–has been replaced by the steady glow of Self.
So, thank you.
Another short story to end the week.
We all face rejection at one point or another and it’s a hard thing to face. It could be weeks, months, or even years since a rejection and you could still feel the pain/anger/confusion/etc. like it was yesterday because, unfortunately, feelings don’t have expiration dates.
But I think it’s important to see how rejection can change us, for better or for worse. I’d like think that I’ve handled the rejections in my own life in a way that helped me grow, but I’ll never really know. All I can do is keep moving forward.
I’ll be back with a new post on Monday. But until next time