So it’s been a while since I’ve talked about this topic, but it’s no secret that I have a hard time falling asleep. In fact, without some kind of assistance, I literally can’t fall asleep naturally. And that’s not an exaggeration. I have terrible insomnia and some nights are harder to deal with than others. But as much of a curse this has been, it’s also been an unintentional blessing.
I’m not totally sure what it is but for some reason, my best ideas come in the middle of the night. Maybe it’s the silence, the peace that nighttime brings. Well I suppose, it’s not entirely quiet. I live in a neighborhood where you come to expect sirens daily, not to mention my neighbors’ collective noisiness. But at night at least, it all seems to fade away and I’m left with my thoughts.
Now, normally this wouldn’t be a good thing. But this is just about the only time being left alone with my thoughts is actually productive.
My mind just goes, “So here’s some stuff that’s been collecting dust. Do whatever you want with it.” And chucks it at my face.
Then, all of a sudden, I’m up for another three hours so I can get every word down because I know if I try to just sleep and wait til morning to write it all down then I’ll A) forget most of it and B) hate myself. I’m one of those people that once I’m on a certain train of thought, I HAVE to follow through with it. I can edit and change things later, but in that moment I’m feeling this exact way and I can’t let it go.
Sure, I would like to have a more normal sleep cycle and I probably wouldn’t be as grumpy in the morning if I hadn’t stayed up to write about dandelions. But I also know, I could never forgive myself for missing the opportunity. My only regret is how badly I treat my eyes. R.I.P. my eyesight.
But in all honesty, I find it kinda funny. I hear some people get their best ideas listening to music or working out or taking a hot shower. I get mine in that in-between place of sleep and wakefulness. It’s like my brain is bullying me to stay up and write down all the shite it throws up.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ll be back on Wednesday with a new poem but until next time x