As I’m writing this, I’m dealing with something that’s making me incredibly feel guilty. Things aren’t going so well and I’m pretty anxious (Thanks, Aunt Flo). But let’s backtrack to the beginning.
I am in a position where I won’t be able to work a few days this week and I had to tell my manager so I could get my shifts covered. But unfortunately, those shifts are going to be covered by my manager; who is generally overworked and definitely deserves better treatment than what goes on at my job.
And I feel like an absolute piece of shit.
Guilt is normal and I know that what I feel is definitely normal; to an extent. But I feel like the worst fucking person alive and I’m afraid of being fired, despite this being utterly out of my control and that I do good work. I know I do good work and that I’m a valuable employee, but I hate disappointing others.
I hate being a burden and an inconvenience. I hate it when I can’t follow through with something I am/was committed to doing. I hate that I feel the need to apologize for something that isn’t my fault.
Because I also know that this isn’t my fault, it’s something beyond my control.
It is what it is and I can’t stop that.
I just have to accept it.
Until next time x