I think everyone wants to be needed. In one way or another. We want to be appreciated and wanted.
I know that perfectly well about myself.
I don’t mean being alone. I don’t mind being alone, I need time to myself to function. I mean knowing that someone out there needs me around. It’s why I started this blog. In the hopes that someone, somewhere will hear me.
But there’s a part of it that goes deeper.
I’m afraid of not being needed. I’m afraid of becoming obsolete. I’m afraid that as soon as someone’s used me up they’ll throw me away. Because that means I’m worthless. It means I’ve contributed all I can to this world and the best thing I could do now is disappear.
It’s something I’m working on and I do think I’m getting better.
But it doesn’t make feel less scared.
This isn’t something I can end on a positive note. I’m still so confused about who I am and who I can be. Who I will be. To myself and to others.
I still feel the need to prove myself in ways that don’t make sense.
I don’t have anything to prove.